I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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