omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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