so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
