and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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