The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
only you would photoshop your dick
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
