So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
