the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
