She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
