WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
