Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
