So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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