I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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