you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
