she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
