She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
