WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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