I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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