I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
