just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
