Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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