She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
