My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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