Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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