I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
