What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
