therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
