If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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