I looked at my own cervix.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
