ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
