If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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