It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
