I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
