Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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