Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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