I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
