I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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