I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
