and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you had me at cake vodka
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
