i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
