did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
