She is in my trunk
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
