the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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