I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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