I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
