Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
