I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
