No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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