Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
