In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
