Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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