oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
