the condom got lost in my hair
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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