Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
