yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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