i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
