3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
