Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
