We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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