he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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