You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
